I feel responsible [View all]

I had my husband admitted to memory care 12/22 after 2 back to back hospitalizations. First pneumonia and COPD, second for a GI bleed. His dementia was good one day and bad the next. Then he started staying up all night, rearranging his belongings and attempting to leave in the middle of the night - removing his oxygen which he required at 4 LPM 24/7. Not safe.

I admitted him to a facility which had different units, memory care, skilled nursing including hospice and assisted living. When I toured the place I was told he could move to different units depending on the level of care he needed.

On 1/17 they called and told me he fell and was sent to the ER where his head CT was normal but he was treated for DEHYDRATION. I was told his care plan would be updated. Hospital Social worker told me he would benefit from hospice care and I agreed.

A week or so later he had another fall, but was told no severe injury sustained. Fast forward to 2/6 at 2 AM I get a call from a hospital ER physician at a hospital we have never been to, telling me he is treating my husband for a sub arachnoid hemorrhage. The hospice nurses came to the hospital and suggested I not return him to nursing home. He was taken to the best hospice in the area. THE NURSING HOME HAS NEVER CALLED ME.

I spent all Friday with him and was not feeling well, was convinced to go home and get some sleep. Just one hour after I got home, I received the call he had passed. He did not regain consciousness but did squeeze my hand when I spoke to hIm earlier.

I feel so guilty for placing him in memory care. Like I was trying to keep him safe but I killed him.
We must demand better health care for everyone. Most all nursing homes require one year of private pay before they will accept Medicaid. His care cost was over $12,000 for the first month.

After he passed the medical examiner took his body to examine for unnatural death. I have not received or seen the death certificate yet. After I receive the cause and certificate I plan to see an attorney. This should not have happened.

Please do not be offended if I do not reply; I am having a difficult time doing anything right now except pray and cry. Please take a moment to tell those around you that you love them; they can be taken from us at any time.