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TBF

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143. Deb, you will never get what you seek from them -

Mon Dec 1, 2025, 08:26 PM

Monday

trust me on that.

My family wasn't really abusive, but they were very uncaring. My mother was negative to the end. When I flew cross-country to see her in the nursing home one of her comments was "oh - your brother never really liked you". He had actually died a few months previous to this, and I was the executor of his estate. I just laughed and said "Really, well, would've been nice if he had saddled someone else w/his estate then - it's been a lot of work". She was even nastier when her youngest sister tried to visit. Some people are determined to be hateful no matter how hard you try.

You seem like a very caring person, and no one would blame you for changing your phone number and for god's sake do not send them more money. I did that for years, too, and never a word of thanks. You didn't deserve any of the abuse, and they will never apologize. Save yourself and spend your time w/the immediate family who really do love you.

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I need some help with a problem. As some of you know, my family was/is terrible abusive to me. Physical, emotional, and [View all] debm55 Sunday OP

;-( elleng Sunday #1

Thank you , elleng. debm55 Sunday #11

Stop punishing yourself Figarosmom Sunday #2

After what happened with my husband with his cancer. I have cut of all ties. However, Friday was his birthday and she debm55 Sunday #12

Figarosmom is right. Take care of yourself and your husband. Polly Hennessey Sunday #23

---------- debm55 Monday #80

Yeah, you shouldn't have answered. Figarosmom Sunday #24

Good idea. Ty debm55 Monday #82

Change your phone number, Deb. SheltieLover Monday #44

-------- debm55 Monday #81

You can block specific phone numbers. Do it fargone Monday #161

Thank you for your help and kindness, fargone. debm55 Monday #162

What you said MustLoveBeagles Monday #74

You are a sweetheart of a human being deb FullySupportDems Sunday #3

Thank you FullySupportDems. debm55 Sunday #13

Ty your very much for your advice. debm55 Monday #83

Ty ------ debm55 Monday #84

deb, you have endured far more abuse than any human being ever should! True Dough Sunday #4

I am going to call my therapist tomorrow. debm55 Sunday #16

Ty my friend. debm55 Monday #85

Your story is not too long, Deb. Permanut Sunday #5

Thank you my friend. debm55 Monday #86

THIS! electric_blue68 Monday #125

Blood is not thicker than water. You are under no obligation to do a damn thing for those toxic people Ocelot II Sunday #6

I want to second that FullySupportDems Sunday #7

I wish I could rec this a couple of thousand times. fierywoman Monday #46

I third this! (n/t) OldBaldy1701E Monday #75

Agreed! Excise the malignant ones from your life, Deb SheltieLover Monday #47

Ty SheltieLover. debm55 Monday #106

Yeah, but it comes in handy if you're desperate for a transfusion Warpy Monday #60

Thank you so much Ocelot II debm55 Monday #88

Thank you very much Ocelot II debm55 Monday #117

I agree with Ocelot... sheshe2 Sunday #8

Ty so much sheshe2. debm55 Monday #118

Dear Deb - You are loved. I love you. Your DU family loves you. You are not alone. Grim Chieftain Sunday #9

Absolutely beautifully put. fierywoman Monday #49

Thank you Grim Chieftain Monday #70

Thank you very much my friend.. debm55 Monday #95

Always here for you, dear Deb Grim Chieftain Monday #97

You put in words what we are all feeling Bluestocking Monday #104

OMG HoosierDebbie Sunday #10

Thank you HoosierDebbie. I have just taken my meds. debm55 Sunday #14

Dearest Debbie, I've suggested to you several times Niagara Sunday #15

But Niagara, I want them to say they are sorry. I want my mother to say she loves me. JC I am70 years old and married debm55 Sunday #22

I can understand that you want that BlueSpot Sunday #28

TY BlueSpot. debm55 Monday #109

Sadly, you just have to accept the fact that that will never happen. Ocelot II Sunday #29

Agree, I talked to my therapist today. Thank you, Ocelot II debm55 Monday #121

They're abusers. If you're 70 now, you're never going to get an apology Niagara Sunday #30

I don't know you but people here know you as a good person annielion Sunday #36

TY annielion. for your sweet words and welcome to DU debm55 Monday #119

It isn't going to happen. They don't love you, they never will be sorry. niyad Monday #56

TY niyad. I feel better today. I found some nuts , branches and leaves to make a spirit doll for myself. debm55 Monday #120

hugggggs. Excellent!!! niyad Monday #142

Dearest Deb, I viscerally feel your longing for your mother to say she loves you and how sorry they are. summer_in_TX Monday #61

That is beautiful, summer_in_TX, Bless you, deb. debm55 Monday #124

I have a young friend who suffered much abuse as a child and young woman. summer_in_TX Yesterday #168

Oh, ty, summer_in_TX debm55 Yesterday #172

You're welcome, Deb. summer_in_TX 20 hrs ago #192

I think you know that is never going to happen. GET AWAY FROM THEM NOW. FOREVER. COMPLETELY. SaydiTom Monday #62

Thank you SaydiTom debm55 Monday #126

TY Niagara. debm55 Monday #108

Yw Debbie Niagara Yesterday #169

I am sorry... hlthe2b Sunday #17

TY very much hlthe2b. debm55 Monday #123

END ALL CONTACT WITH AND SUPPORT OF THEM IMMEDIATELY SaydiTom Sunday #18

Thank you SaydiTom. debm55 Monday #127

I'm so sorry cate94 Sunday #19

Thank you very much , cate94 debm55 Monday #128

I'm so sorry, Deb. arkielib Sunday #20

Thank you my friend. debm55 Monday #129

I am so sorry, Deb. . . Stargleamer Sunday #21

Thank you. Stargleamer. debm55 Monday #130

Deb, cut ALL TIES WITH THEM some_of_us_are_sane Sunday #25

Thank you so muchm my friend. debm55 Monday #131

My God I am so sorry Diamond_Dog Sunday #26

Thank you very much, Diamond_Dog debm55 Monday #133

Stop punishing yourself, Deb Jilly_in_VA Sunday #27

Thank you very much Jilly_in_VA Love you friend. debm55 Monday #135

I'm so sorry. markodochartaigh Sunday #31

I do and I am glad you all are my friends. debm55 Monday #136

The Bible does NOT say your family has to ignore government funds available to them. pnwmom Sunday #32

Thank you very much, pnwmom. debm55 Monday #137

Everyone here is wishing you all the best! pnwmom Monday #165

We all want and need to be loved and you have that with your husband and son..give them all you've got Deuxcents Sunday #33

Thank you my friend.Deuxcents. debm55 Monday #138

They made their choices KT2000 Sunday #34

Thank you, my friend KT2000 debm55 Monday #140

Their expectations Mz Pip Sunday #35

Thank you very much, Mz Pip debm55 Monday #145

Not too long. Dear_Prudence Sunday #37

Thank you very much, Dear_Prudence. debm55 Monday #148

You are strong, i have terrible advice Shellback Squid Sunday #38

What is your advice? Shellback Squid? debm55 Monday #150

toxic relationships are to be avoided, friends and even family Shellback Squid Monday #155

Thank you my friend. debm55 Monday #158

Please stage left Sunday #39

Thank you very much stage left. I talked to my therapist today and we are going to work on that. debm55 Monday #151

... progressoid Sunday #40

You said it best too, my friend progressoid. Love, deb. debm55 Monday #159

So sorry, Deb. You bring a lot of caring and light to everyone here. Knowing this makes it even more Gaugamela Sunday #41

Thank you, Gaugamela. debm55 Yesterday #171

I am so sorry deb. You always present a sunny image on these pages, showing so much courage question everything Monday #42

Ty for your loving words. questioneverthing debm55 Yesterday #173

The Bible Does NOT say to put up with Abuse and Cruelty. Radical Lutheran Monday #43

Thank you very much for your post. Bless you, Radical Lutheran. Love .deb debm55 Yesterday #174

Deb, with all my heart I wish I could give you a warm motherly hug. And while giving you Joinfortmill Monday #45

TY Joinfortmill. I wish you were too. debm55 Yesterday #175

I wish I could crawl into the computer wires, go to you and give you a hug. 3Hotdogs Monday #48

Oh! This times 10,000 times! fierywoman Monday #51

Thank you my friend.3Hotdogs. debm55 Yesterday #176

You don't owe your family anything iemanja Monday #50

Thank you for your words of wisdom. lemanja debm55 Yesterday #177

I also suffered abuse from family, though nothing as severe as you did. Trueblue Texan Monday #52

Oh Trueblue Texan. You have been there. Your words lift me up. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Love, debbie debm55 Yesterday #178

And we love you. Tell those fucking, monstrous parasites to go to hell. niyad Monday #53

Thank you , my friend. Niyad. debm55 Yesterday #183

I Am So Sorry You Had to Go Through All of This The Roux Comes First Monday #54

Thank you very much, The Roux Comes First. debm55 Yesterday #184

They will never change. Cut off all contact and take of yourself. You owe them nothing. camartinwv Monday #55

Thank you, camartinwv. debm55 Yesterday #185

Walked in your shoes. MetaphysicalMama Monday #57

Thank you, MetaphsicalMama.Love you, Debbie. debm55 Monday #115

Step away from the abuse, and start one step at a time. Remember you must take care of yourself, before you can care SWBTATTReg Monday #58

Thank you very much , my friend for your kind words debm55 Yesterday #186

So they won't take money from the government soldierant Monday #59

They don't want to be seen as "poor" I have told them many years ago about Access(the van) Snap, and other government debm55 Yesterday #188

Everyone here loves you, Deb, and this is a tough room JoseBalow Monday #63

Thank you very much , JoseBalow. Bless you my friend. debm55 Yesterday #187

Oh dearest Deb, I had no idea of the horrors you have endured. My heart is aching for you. You are the sweetest heart KitFox Monday #64

Thank you for your sweet post, My friend, KitFox, debm55 Monday #134

Hugs Deb. Duncanpup Monday #65

Thank you Duncanpup, debm55 Monday #122

Sounds like PTSD. Hope you look at DU as multigraincracker Monday #66

TY very much , multigraincracker debm55 Monday #116

You're not alone. Mike Nelson Monday #67

TY Mike Nelson debm55 Monday #101

Break free from your birth family. Sanity Claws Monday #68

TY very much, Sanity Claws. debm55 Monday #99

These people SHOULD BE IN JAIL! justaprogressive Monday #69

My husband called earlier and told my sister he would take her to the Senior Center. If you she does't go, she is on her debm55 Monday #98

Well done. justaprogressive Monday #100

TY debm55 Monday #102

Thank you justaprogressive. My friend. debm55 Monday #132

Thinking of you this morning, Deb and hoping you could get some sleep last night. Always remember you have a load of KitFox Monday #71

I didn't get any sleep, but I feel better now. TY KitFox. debm55 Monday #96

Deb, you are so loved here, at the DU. lucca18 Monday #72

Thank you , lucca18 debm55 Monday #93

OMG 😮 MustLoveBeagles Monday #73

TY very much, debm55 Monday #92

Back at ya MustLoveBeagles Monday #94

HUGS to you, wonderful Deb! OldBaldy1701E Monday #76

Thank you very much. debm55 Monday #91

The Heck With Them ProfessorGAC Monday #77

Thank you my friend. debm55 Monday #90

Please take care of yourself Sea A Chell Monday #78

Thank you , Sea A Chell. debm55 Monday #89

Good lord - cut all ties with these people immediately! Life isn't supposed to be torture and that's what they've made Vinca Monday #79

Thank you my friend, debm55 Monday #87

Every word of this hurts my heart. pandr32 Monday #103

Thank you pandr32 debm55 Monday #114

Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs and many more Hugs, Deb Clouds Passing Monday #105

Thank you very much, Clouds Passing. debm55 Monday #107

Take care of yourself, your husband and son. PittBlue Monday #110

Thank you very much PittBlue. Oh, my father worked roe Carrier in Jeannette. He made good money, nice house. But what debm55 Monday #112

Just say 'No'. Stop allowing them to destroy your life. You are under no obligation to pay for or nurse any of them. And sinkingfeeling Monday #111

Thank you sinkingfeeling. debm55 Monday #113

You have lots on your plate of life. Botany Monday #139

Thank you my friend Botany, George was my favorite. I also liked the song, "All Things Must Pass" debm55 Monday #154

How the hell did you turn out like this with that background?! buzzycrumbhunger Monday #141

Thank you very much, buzzycrumbhunger. It is odd that you say that. I have a BS in ART, 2 Masters of ED in Special Ed debm55 Monday #157

Deb, you will never get what you seek from them - TBF Monday #143

Thank you very much for your post, TBF. You are a very kind person. debm55 Monday #149

Walk Away for Good (your own!) from these Abusers! I remember some of what you said previously about this.... electric_blue68 Monday #144

Thank you, very much my friend, electric_blue68. Yes, my BS was in Art Ed. The art projects that meant most to me and debm55 Monday #146

YW, deb! electric_blue68 Monday #147

You are strong. underpants Monday #152

Thank you my dear friend, underpants. debm55 Monday #153

Sever ties donkeyoaty Monday #156

Thank you my dear donkeyoaty.I talked to my therapist today and we are going to work on it. debm55 Monday #160

You are loved immensely here. Basso8vb Monday #163

Thank you very much, Basso8vb. love, deb. debm55 Monday #164

Many people in similar situations, DaBronx Monday #166

Thank you DaBronx for your kind words of wisdom.. I can not redo the past. But I don;t want to be totally responsible debm55 Yesterday #190

I just read your horrific post, and I feel so sorry for you. SWinter Yesterday #167

Thank you, SWinter that was my roll too. I also left at 18. I am now more concerned that i will be in a hell hole with debm55 Yesterday #191

Wow deb, I never dreamed you have been through so much. Emile Yesterday #170

Thank you Emile. I wish very much it wasn't so. But it was and is. debm55 Yesterday #189

Cut them off. They are killing you cpamomfromtexas Yesterday #179

Thank you very much, cpamomfromtexas.For you wonderful words. debm55 Yesterday #182

Well Abstractartist Yesterday #180

Thank you very much for words of wisdom, Abstractartist debm55 Yesterday #181

Life Abstractartist 4 hrs ago #195

Yes we can. Thank you Abstractartist. debm55 4 hrs ago #196

I am so sorry you endured such horrific abuse. Evergreen Emerald 16 hrs ago #193

Thank you my friend, I had meeting with my new therapist the other day. And we are going to work on overcoming the need debm55 16 hrs ago #194

Dear, sweet Deb, you are a miracle! Dorothy V 48 min ago #197

Thank you very much, my dear friend, Dorothy V. Love. deb debm55 46 min ago #198