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buzzycrumbhunger

(1,522 posts)

141. How the hell did you turn out like this with that background?!

Mon Dec 1, 2025, 08:12 PM

Monday

You’re one of the sweetest, most positive people here.

I think you need to divorce your shitty family—with no guilt. They don’t deserve you, and YOU don’t deserve to continue to enable their abuse. Surely, you have friends who are more like family than they were. If not, find a way to make a new family. Volunteer for something; I bet you could really help people who came from similar backgrounds, especially children.

My family wasn’t abusive at all (except for being seriously, weirdly catholic), but I was the odd one out (too smart, too quiet, too young, and leaned atheist at a young age) and was pretty much overlooked my whole life. In the end, I had to write them off because they were arseholes to me, and it’s been much better living without their weird expectations and selfishness.

I hope your husband’s side of the family thinks you’re a gem. If so, dote on them and claim them for yourself.

Biggest of bear hugs, deb.

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I need some help with a problem. As some of you know, my family was/is terrible abusive to me. Physical, emotional, and [View all] debm55 Sunday OP

;-( elleng Sunday #1

Thank you , elleng. debm55 Sunday #11

Stop punishing yourself Figarosmom Sunday #2

After what happened with my husband with his cancer. I have cut of all ties. However, Friday was his birthday and she debm55 Sunday #12

Figarosmom is right. Take care of yourself and your husband. Polly Hennessey Sunday #23

---------- debm55 Monday #80

Yeah, you shouldn't have answered. Figarosmom Sunday #24

Good idea. Ty debm55 Monday #82

Change your phone number, Deb. SheltieLover Monday #44

-------- debm55 Monday #81

You can block specific phone numbers. Do it fargone Monday #161

Thank you for your help and kindness, fargone. debm55 Monday #162

What you said MustLoveBeagles Monday #74

You are a sweetheart of a human being deb FullySupportDems Sunday #3

Thank you FullySupportDems. debm55 Sunday #13

Ty your very much for your advice. debm55 Monday #83

Ty ------ debm55 Monday #84

deb, you have endured far more abuse than any human being ever should! True Dough Sunday #4

I am going to call my therapist tomorrow. debm55 Sunday #16

Ty my friend. debm55 Monday #85

Your story is not too long, Deb. Permanut Sunday #5

Thank you my friend. debm55 Monday #86

THIS! electric_blue68 Monday #125

Blood is not thicker than water. You are under no obligation to do a damn thing for those toxic people Ocelot II Sunday #6

I want to second that FullySupportDems Sunday #7

I wish I could rec this a couple of thousand times. fierywoman Monday #46

I third this! (n/t) OldBaldy1701E Monday #75

Agreed! Excise the malignant ones from your life, Deb SheltieLover Monday #47

Ty SheltieLover. debm55 Monday #106

Yeah, but it comes in handy if you're desperate for a transfusion Warpy Monday #60

Thank you so much Ocelot II debm55 Monday #88

Thank you very much Ocelot II debm55 Monday #117

I agree with Ocelot... sheshe2 Sunday #8

Ty so much sheshe2. debm55 Monday #118

Dear Deb - You are loved. I love you. Your DU family loves you. You are not alone. Grim Chieftain Sunday #9

Absolutely beautifully put. fierywoman Monday #49

Thank you Grim Chieftain Monday #70

Thank you very much my friend.. debm55 Monday #95

Always here for you, dear Deb Grim Chieftain Monday #97

You put in words what we are all feeling Bluestocking Monday #104

OMG HoosierDebbie Sunday #10

Thank you HoosierDebbie. I have just taken my meds. debm55 Sunday #14

Dearest Debbie, I've suggested to you several times Niagara Sunday #15

But Niagara, I want them to say they are sorry. I want my mother to say she loves me. JC I am70 years old and married debm55 Sunday #22

I can understand that you want that BlueSpot Sunday #28

TY BlueSpot. debm55 Monday #109

Sadly, you just have to accept the fact that that will never happen. Ocelot II Sunday #29

Agree, I talked to my therapist today. Thank you, Ocelot II debm55 Monday #121

They're abusers. If you're 70 now, you're never going to get an apology Niagara Sunday #30

I don't know you but people here know you as a good person annielion Sunday #36

TY annielion. for your sweet words and welcome to DU debm55 Monday #119

It isn't going to happen. They don't love you, they never will be sorry. niyad Monday #56

TY niyad. I feel better today. I found some nuts , branches and leaves to make a spirit doll for myself. debm55 Monday #120

hugggggs. Excellent!!! niyad Monday #142

Dearest Deb, I viscerally feel your longing for your mother to say she loves you and how sorry they are. summer_in_TX Monday #61

That is beautiful, summer_in_TX, Bless you, deb. debm55 Monday #124

I have a young friend who suffered much abuse as a child and young woman. summer_in_TX Yesterday #168

Oh, ty, summer_in_TX debm55 Yesterday #172

You're welcome, Deb. summer_in_TX 21 hrs ago #192

I think you know that is never going to happen. GET AWAY FROM THEM NOW. FOREVER. COMPLETELY. SaydiTom Monday #62

Thank you SaydiTom debm55 Monday #126

TY Niagara. debm55 Monday #108

Yw Debbie Niagara Yesterday #169

I am sorry... hlthe2b Sunday #17

TY very much hlthe2b. debm55 Monday #123

END ALL CONTACT WITH AND SUPPORT OF THEM IMMEDIATELY SaydiTom Sunday #18

Thank you SaydiTom. debm55 Monday #127

I'm so sorry cate94 Sunday #19

Thank you very much , cate94 debm55 Monday #128

I'm so sorry, Deb. arkielib Sunday #20

Thank you my friend. debm55 Monday #129

I am so sorry, Deb. . . Stargleamer Sunday #21

Thank you. Stargleamer. debm55 Monday #130

Deb, cut ALL TIES WITH THEM some_of_us_are_sane Sunday #25

Thank you so muchm my friend. debm55 Monday #131

My God I am so sorry Diamond_Dog Sunday #26

Thank you very much, Diamond_Dog debm55 Monday #133

Stop punishing yourself, Deb Jilly_in_VA Sunday #27

Thank you very much Jilly_in_VA Love you friend. debm55 Monday #135

I'm so sorry. markodochartaigh Sunday #31

I do and I am glad you all are my friends. debm55 Monday #136

The Bible does NOT say your family has to ignore government funds available to them. pnwmom Sunday #32

Thank you very much, pnwmom. debm55 Monday #137

Everyone here is wishing you all the best! pnwmom Monday #165

We all want and need to be loved and you have that with your husband and son..give them all you've got Deuxcents Sunday #33

Thank you my friend.Deuxcents. debm55 Monday #138

They made their choices KT2000 Sunday #34

Thank you, my friend KT2000 debm55 Monday #140

Their expectations Mz Pip Sunday #35

Thank you very much, Mz Pip debm55 Monday #145

Not too long. Dear_Prudence Sunday #37

Thank you very much, Dear_Prudence. debm55 Monday #148

You are strong, i have terrible advice Shellback Squid Sunday #38

What is your advice? Shellback Squid? debm55 Monday #150

toxic relationships are to be avoided, friends and even family Shellback Squid Monday #155

Thank you my friend. debm55 Monday #158

Please stage left Sunday #39

Thank you very much stage left. I talked to my therapist today and we are going to work on that. debm55 Monday #151

... progressoid Sunday #40

You said it best too, my friend progressoid. Love, deb. debm55 Monday #159

So sorry, Deb. You bring a lot of caring and light to everyone here. Knowing this makes it even more Gaugamela Sunday #41

Thank you, Gaugamela. debm55 Yesterday #171

I am so sorry deb. You always present a sunny image on these pages, showing so much courage question everything Monday #42

Ty for your loving words. questioneverthing debm55 Yesterday #173

The Bible Does NOT say to put up with Abuse and Cruelty. Radical Lutheran Monday #43

Thank you very much for your post. Bless you, Radical Lutheran. Love .deb debm55 Yesterday #174

Deb, with all my heart I wish I could give you a warm motherly hug. And while giving you Joinfortmill Monday #45

TY Joinfortmill. I wish you were too. debm55 Yesterday #175

I wish I could crawl into the computer wires, go to you and give you a hug. 3Hotdogs Monday #48

Oh! This times 10,000 times! fierywoman Monday #51

Thank you my friend.3Hotdogs. debm55 Yesterday #176

You don't owe your family anything iemanja Monday #50

Thank you for your words of wisdom. lemanja debm55 Yesterday #177

I also suffered abuse from family, though nothing as severe as you did. Trueblue Texan Monday #52

Oh Trueblue Texan. You have been there. Your words lift me up. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Love, debbie debm55 Yesterday #178

And we love you. Tell those fucking, monstrous parasites to go to hell. niyad Monday #53

Thank you , my friend. Niyad. debm55 Yesterday #183

I Am So Sorry You Had to Go Through All of This The Roux Comes First Monday #54

Thank you very much, The Roux Comes First. debm55 Yesterday #184

They will never change. Cut off all contact and take of yourself. You owe them nothing. camartinwv Monday #55

Thank you, camartinwv. debm55 Yesterday #185

Walked in your shoes. MetaphysicalMama Monday #57

Thank you, MetaphsicalMama.Love you, Debbie. debm55 Monday #115

Step away from the abuse, and start one step at a time. Remember you must take care of yourself, before you can care SWBTATTReg Monday #58

Thank you very much , my friend for your kind words debm55 Yesterday #186

So they won't take money from the government soldierant Monday #59

They don't want to be seen as "poor" I have told them many years ago about Access(the van) Snap, and other government debm55 Yesterday #188

Everyone here loves you, Deb, and this is a tough room JoseBalow Monday #63

Thank you very much , JoseBalow. Bless you my friend. debm55 Yesterday #187

Oh dearest Deb, I had no idea of the horrors you have endured. My heart is aching for you. You are the sweetest heart KitFox Monday #64

Thank you for your sweet post, My friend, KitFox, debm55 Monday #134

Hugs Deb. Duncanpup Monday #65

Thank you Duncanpup, debm55 Monday #122

Sounds like PTSD. Hope you look at DU as multigraincracker Monday #66

TY very much , multigraincracker debm55 Monday #116

You're not alone. Mike Nelson Monday #67

TY Mike Nelson debm55 Monday #101

Break free from your birth family. Sanity Claws Monday #68

TY very much, Sanity Claws. debm55 Monday #99

These people SHOULD BE IN JAIL! justaprogressive Monday #69

My husband called earlier and told my sister he would take her to the Senior Center. If you she does't go, she is on her debm55 Monday #98

Well done. justaprogressive Monday #100

TY debm55 Monday #102

Thank you justaprogressive. My friend. debm55 Monday #132

Thinking of you this morning, Deb and hoping you could get some sleep last night. Always remember you have a load of KitFox Monday #71

I didn't get any sleep, but I feel better now. TY KitFox. debm55 Monday #96

Deb, you are so loved here, at the DU. lucca18 Monday #72

Thank you , lucca18 debm55 Monday #93

OMG 😮 MustLoveBeagles Monday #73

TY very much, debm55 Monday #92

Back at ya MustLoveBeagles Monday #94

HUGS to you, wonderful Deb! OldBaldy1701E Monday #76

Thank you very much. debm55 Monday #91

The Heck With Them ProfessorGAC Monday #77

Thank you my friend. debm55 Monday #90

Please take care of yourself Sea A Chell Monday #78

Thank you , Sea A Chell. debm55 Monday #89

Good lord - cut all ties with these people immediately! Life isn't supposed to be torture and that's what they've made Vinca Monday #79

Thank you my friend, debm55 Monday #87

Every word of this hurts my heart. pandr32 Monday #103

Thank you pandr32 debm55 Monday #114

Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs and many more Hugs, Deb Clouds Passing Monday #105

Thank you very much, Clouds Passing. debm55 Monday #107

Take care of yourself, your husband and son. PittBlue Monday #110

Thank you very much PittBlue. Oh, my father worked roe Carrier in Jeannette. He made good money, nice house. But what debm55 Monday #112

Just say 'No'. Stop allowing them to destroy your life. You are under no obligation to pay for or nurse any of them. And sinkingfeeling Monday #111

Thank you sinkingfeeling. debm55 Monday #113

You have lots on your plate of life. Botany Monday #139

Thank you my friend Botany, George was my favorite. I also liked the song, "All Things Must Pass" debm55 Monday #154

How the hell did you turn out like this with that background?! buzzycrumbhunger Monday #141

Thank you very much, buzzycrumbhunger. It is odd that you say that. I have a BS in ART, 2 Masters of ED in Special Ed debm55 Monday #157

Deb, you will never get what you seek from them - TBF Monday #143

Thank you very much for your post, TBF. You are a very kind person. debm55 Monday #149

Walk Away for Good (your own!) from these Abusers! I remember some of what you said previously about this.... electric_blue68 Monday #144

Thank you, very much my friend, electric_blue68. Yes, my BS was in Art Ed. The art projects that meant most to me and debm55 Monday #146

YW, deb! electric_blue68 Monday #147

You are strong. underpants Monday #152

Thank you my dear friend, underpants. debm55 Monday #153

Sever ties donkeyoaty Monday #156

Thank you my dear donkeyoaty.I talked to my therapist today and we are going to work on it. debm55 Monday #160

You are loved immensely here. Basso8vb Monday #163

Thank you very much, Basso8vb. love, deb. debm55 Monday #164

Many people in similar situations, DaBronx Monday #166

Thank you DaBronx for your kind words of wisdom.. I can not redo the past. But I don;t want to be totally responsible debm55 Yesterday #190

I just read your horrific post, and I feel so sorry for you. SWinter Yesterday #167

Thank you, SWinter that was my roll too. I also left at 18. I am now more concerned that i will be in a hell hole with debm55 Yesterday #191

Wow deb, I never dreamed you have been through so much. Emile Yesterday #170

Thank you Emile. I wish very much it wasn't so. But it was and is. debm55 Yesterday #189

Cut them off. They are killing you cpamomfromtexas Yesterday #179

Thank you very much, cpamomfromtexas.For you wonderful words. debm55 Yesterday #182

Well Abstractartist Yesterday #180

Thank you very much for words of wisdom, Abstractartist debm55 Yesterday #181

Life Abstractartist 5 hrs ago #195

Yes we can. Thank you Abstractartist. debm55 5 hrs ago #196

I am so sorry you endured such horrific abuse. Evergreen Emerald 17 hrs ago #193

Thank you my friend, I had meeting with my new therapist the other day. And we are going to work on overcoming the need debm55 17 hrs ago #194

Dear, sweet Deb, you are a miracle! Dorothy V 1 hr ago #197

Thank you very much, my dear friend, Dorothy V. Love. deb debm55 1 hr ago #198