The DU Lounge

which is why I went low contact. There was substance abuse, so I called before 11 AM, when the person would be this side of reason. I sent cards. I didn't go near them on holidays. Just not doing that and they couldn't make me.

Of course, I'd taken the geographical cure already, choosing a part of the country they wanted to avoid.

I've come to a few conclusions over the years. First, I think justice is as uncommon as common sense, you can go through an entire lifetime without experiencing either. If we live through hell, life is what we get. Asking for justice is asking too much. Yes, that's a deeply cynical viewpoint, but it has helped me survive. Second, I've been plagued by the constant demons of shame and guilt. Shame makes me ask what was/is just so awful about me that people treated me that way. Guilt says that since I'm still not perfect, someone needs to punish me some more. Neither is healthy. Both are so stubbornly adhesive I doubt I'll ever manage to rationalize them and I'll certainly never be rid of them.

I chose low contact but I know too many people for whom that would have been dangerous. Whether or not you've been through this, you're not qualified to tell another survivor what to do. I've just posted a couple of easy strategies about what might or might not be particularly possible.

I will say, though that the holidays really suck for most of us, all the enforced cheeriness and images of happy, peppy families. It makes coping harder. If you meet a Grinch, try not to judge too harshly. Just pass the chocolate--boxed or hot--and let us be.