Bondi bites head off of bat, is told "Ozzy already did that," screams "WHO'S OZZY," kicks Capitol Cop in the jewels [View all]

WASHINGTON DC: During a contentious hearing on Capitol Hill, Attorney General Pam Bondi screamed incoherently, punched several members of Congress, kicked a member of the Capitol Police in the nuts, bit the head off of a bat, vomited like a fire hydrant, and told the various members assembled that their mothers all ****ed ****s in hell. Before leaping through a window and scaling her way up the building to the roof, she screamed "I LOVE YOU PRESIDENT TRUMP!"

When asked to comment, President Donald Trump replied "Who's Dan Bondi? Never heard of him. Say, take a look at these plans for the Trump Monument. It used to be the Lincoln monument but I prefer presidents who can go to the movies without getting shot."

THIS IS A DEVELOPING STORY, and I made it all up, so additional details to follow just as soon as I think of them.