As an escalator, I’m used to anonymity. Seriously, who cares about me? I’m simply an assemblage of conveyor belts attached to a spindle and driven by a motor at a steady speed that has been determined safe for humans to step on and off without falling and hurting themselves. I am a handrail belt moving at a speed synchronized with the speed of the steps. I am a tool, a conveyance, and I move steadily around and around and around like a perpetual motion machine.

. . .

Now I will grant you that as an escalator at the United Nations building, I have carried some pretty important people! I have carried ambassadors, emissaries, ministers, military leaders, heads of state. I have been privy to the negotiations and interpersonal relationships of hundreds, maybe even thousands, of world leaders. I have been ridden by more famous people than the busiest sexworker in a Hollywood whorehouse.

So, imagine my surprise this past week when I briefly became the most famous escalator in the world, the one that stopped cold the moment that Donald and Melania Trump stepped on me. Suddenly I went from anonymity to being surrounded by more conspiracy theories than the Kennedy assassination.

. . .