I will share a tool that I acquired along the way (some time within the last 15 years):
Find a place where you feel safe, secure, perhaps even record what I am about to suggest ...
Speak words, thoughts about yourself to yourself. The spoken word is far more powerful than thoughts.
Say a few things that you know to be true or false: for myself, I am a femme fatale, An attractive and seductive woman, one who will ultimately bring disaster to a man who becomes involved with me. When in reality I am a woman who attracts men by an aura of charm and mystery. So the lie is that I bring disaster.
I used to say that I was lazy (my second stepmother's words) when in reality I was working smart not hard.
I don't remember most of my early childhood. Until the age of 9 I was sheltered from the world. Now I wonder about that. Was it just because it was easier to keep me away from the problems that happen between children or was it something more. Why was I so willing to trust my stepmother's adult nephew. What is back there before the age of 9.
I don't want to know. All I need at this point is to remember It was not my fault All I ask of you is to do the same. You were a child. You did nothing wrong to trust the adult who hurt you. When I was 9, my aunt passed away. I returned to my father's home. I became the adult while my father cried. I was always told to be strong. I'm tired of always being the one who must be strong for the wrong reasons.
Society has difficulties accepting that a mother or stepmother can be the one who was wrong. Misinformed individuals believe all mothers are beyond reproach. They are not perfect. Becoming a biological mother does not equate one with having wisdom.
Forget about how a man or woman is expected to act.
Just love yourself as you should have been loved from your birth ... innocently.
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