Satan is Pardoned by Trump [View all]

Righting what he called “one of the greatest wrongs of all time,” President Donald J. Trump has granted a full pardon to the fallen angel known as Satan. Satan was released from Hell’s South Entrance on Monday afternoon, and will assume his post as U. S. Ambassador to Vatican City on Friday.

According to the President, Satan was condemned to Hell on the basis of a bogus charge: leading an insurrection against Almighty God. “I know a thing or two about insurrections,” said Trump, “and what Satan did was the furthest thing from an insurrection. He engaged in legitimate protest, speaking out against the horrible working conditions angels had to endure back in the day. He was railroaded.”