Mental Health Support

Maybe not the same underlying cause, but my family has two kids who are/have been on the outs. One murdered two women - he is actually the one with whom there was most continued contact. He had one really bad night in his life, fueled by a combination of peyote and alcohol - and racial taunting. We don't know exactly what happened - and his attorney thinks he stumbled in after the murder. (He died in prison from cancer 9 years ago.)

The other sounds more like your son. My parents have, alternately, been able to remain in contact with him. He has fetal alcohol syndrome (he was adopted) - a syndrome not yet identified when they adopted him. In his youth, he stole from all the neighbors. He is a sociopath (diagnosed) and an alcoholic. His IQ is low enough that - now days - he would probably have been eligible for educational assistance. But he dropped out of school in late middle school.

Over the years, usually, one of my parents has been willing/able to stay in contact with him. Currently it is my father - in the earlier years it was my mother who took forever to see what we siblings knew from around age 8. Over the years he has been in and out of rehab. Currently, he is sober and seems to have his life as much under control as a 67 year old sociopathic alcoholic diabetic with no skills can.

I inherit him when my parents die. (They have set up a special needs trust - I get to manage it, and to decide whether his kids (who inherited some of his challenges) get his share of the family fortune.)

But he has been mostly cut off from the family for decades - for my parents' mental health.

Take care of yourself. You owe an abusive adult child nothing - not continued contact, not money. Take care of yourself. If you are able to give him some grace, he may come around from time to time - but that is a gift, not an obligation. Your mental and financial health come first.

Feel free to communicate with me via DM if it might help.