Mental Health Support

Warpy

(113,745 posts)

23. Sometimes you have to cut people loose so they can save themselves

Wed Jul 16, 2025, 02:20 PM

Jul 16

and sometimes they surprise the hell out of you by doing just that.

And sometimes they don't.

They're grownups, making their own choices, good or bad, and there's nothing we can do about that except try to keep our own lives sane.

Some of my former friends didn't make it and it still hurts that I couldn't save them, but that wasn't my job, ever.

It was theirs.

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FirstLight lark flamingdem susanr516 wolfie001 niyad Pachamama Fla Dem radical noodle

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Highlight:

UPDATE! -- Need some emotional backup... I think I just cut my youngest son loose for good... (long, sorry) [View all] FirstLight Jul 16 OP

stay strong WhiteTara Jul 16 #1

You can only do so much Raven123 Jul 16 #2

IMO whether one is religious or not, we must selfishly love ourselves before we can love anyone else. By in2herbs Jul 16 #3

Very wise words, in2herbs. So many people need to hear them. Thank you for posting. wordstroken Jul 16 #7

And in the words of the immortal RuPaul..... ShazzieB Jul 16 #48

FirstLight what you're going through, is one dlilafae Jul 16 #4

Thank you for putting it so succinctly, dlilafae. Most people who are ... wordstroken Jul 16 #11

I agree, it is time to take care of you, FirstLight. sheshe2 Jul 16 #5

We love you, FirstLight, and we support you all the way. wordstroken Jul 16 #6

Hugs, FirstLight Bayard Jul 16 #8

My middle kid did same after my husband died cpamomfromtexas Jul 16 #9

Keep firm adam_vermont Jul 16 #10

A parent can only do so much roscoeroscoe Jul 16 #12

Question: single mom carrying the load. .our son? Am I guessing niyad Jul 16 #51

You have gone extra miles. (Plus bonus phone fact.) TommyT139 Jul 16 #13

It's not your fault cynical_idealist Jul 16 #14

Right here with you.. mountain grammy Jul 16 #15

same mg- et tu Jul 16 #19

He needs to grow up IbogaProject Jul 16 #16

My solution to any problem was to go to work the next day wolfie001 Jul 16 #44

Hang in there !!!!! Karadeniz Jul 16 #17

There comes a time homegirl Jul 16 #18

I know its tough sdfernando Jul 16 #20

This is what really stuck out to me, to which I say, Bravo! Sogo Jul 16 #21

I amdeeply sorry you are going through this irisblue Jul 16 #22

Sometimes you have to cut people loose so they can save themselves Warpy Jul 16 #23

It's heartbreaking beyond measure when an adult child has issues beyond your control dlk Jul 16 #24

I have (or had) a brother to whom I have not spoken in more than two decades. NNadir Jul 16 #25

I'm the same way with a sister who cut us off Ritabert Jul 16 #29

I've cut off all my siblings because they're all hardcore tRUMPers wolfie001 Jul 16 #45

I agree but I'm too old to deal with Trumpers. Ritabert Jul 17 #57

Enjoy these years! I retired in early Dec. 2023 and have never felt better! wolfie001 Jul 17 #59

Is your son addicted to anything, Naranon Family really saved our lives. lark Jul 16 #26

Thanks for all the support DU Family! Many wise words and hugs ..thank you FirstLight Jul 16 #27

Unfortunately, I can totally relate. My soon-to-be 58 year old son has BPD. judesedit Jul 16 #28

yes, the two are so different! FirstLight Jul 16 #30

That's all you can do. It is heartbreaking, but there is lots of goodness in this world. judesedit Jul 16 #42

I get it. Ms. Toad Jul 16 #31

"ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend" Paul-EM Jul 16 #32

You did all you could Mama Bird BaronChocula Jul 16 #33

My heart is with you Freddie Jul 16 #34

It sounds like he needs to hit bottom and take responsibility MadameButterfly Jul 16 #35

It sounds like you are taking steps to help yourself, and Hassler Jul 16 #36

My kids cut me off years ago, for the same thing. Linda ladeewolf Jul 16 #37

I pray that things get better for you and your family mdmc Jul 16 #38

Amazing stories of family disfunction Playingmantis Jul 16 #39

It is hard when that happens and I'm very sorry for it. PatrickforB Jul 16 #40

You go to therapy csusan Jul 16 #41

that poor child Skittles Jul 16 #43

It's hard to finally admit the relationship is too toxic to continue. Trueblue Texan Jul 16 #46

u come first. AllaN01Bear Jul 16 #47

Oh, dear friend. Holding you in love and light, wishing you all the blessings niyad Jul 16 #49

Best thing those kids BonnieJW Jul 16 #50

Sending hugs and support, FirstLight. HeartsCanHope Jul 16 #52

Oh FirstLight, I know your heart is aching. summer_in_TX Jul 16 #53

I am so sorry for what you are going through Jarqui Jul 17 #54

Here are some hugs for you. OldBaldy1701E Jul 17 #55

I am forever thankful I have close family, immediate and relations. Fla Dem Jul 17 #56

It's good to vent. I'm sure you're hurt. live love laugh Jul 17 #58

Keep on keeping on First light.... democratsruletheday Tuesday #60

Kick for the update FirstLight 1 hr ago #61