Men's Group

Last weekend, I had an experience that reminded me to think about the struggles of women.
After leaving a dinner meeting, I walked to a bank of elevators that led to the parking structure
where my car was parked. When the elevator doors opened, I was greeted by a woman who
was headed to the same parking garage. Given the situation—it was late at night with no one
around—I told her, “I’ll take the next one.”

I’m not a saint. I still have so much to learn. But at that moment, I, as a man, made the conscious decision to calculate how riding elevator late at night with a strange man would make this woman feel. And by putting myself in her shoes (as much as I could), I adjusted my behavior accordingly.

This woman knew nothing about my intentions and nothing about me. Did I want her to spend
the next thirty seconds wondering what was going to happen to her at 11pm at night? Nope. I
wonder if she would have asked me to take the next elevator. I know she has probably been
conditioned to think, like so many women, that asking a man to take the next elevator would be
rude and presumptuous.

That night, I did what most women do for men on an everyday basis: I considered her
needs. I thought about how the situation would make her feel—not because I wanted to avoid a
reaction, but because I wanted to support her. It’s just not something men do as easily for
women.

Hopefully, my decision was a respite for her.

But I know it was a brief one.

http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/08/30/men-will-never-truly-understand-a-day-in-the-life-of-women-but-shouldn%E2%80%99t-we-try/

__________________________________________

ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot.) Do not get on an elevator if there is a weirdo already on there. (Of course bad men don't always look bad.) Do not stand back in the corners of the elevator. Be near the front, by the doors, ready to get off or on. If you get on the elevator on the 25th floor, and the Boogie Man gets on the 22nd, get off when he gets on. Don't ride the elevator with him if you are not comfortable.

http://www.thenonprofits.com/safety.htm

_________________________________
http://scienceblogs.com/gregladen/2011/07/05/women-in-elevators-a-man-to-ma/

“Do people get it?” she asked me, kinda freaked out (as noted).

“Get what?” I was distracted and unclear on the point she was making.

“Do people get what it is like for a woman to have a man join her on an elevator in the middle of the night? Do they understand that this is ALWAYS something that raises one’s stress level, even if just a little?”

“Sometimes more, sometimes less, it depends on your state of mind, the time of day, all sorts of other factors, but if I’m in a hotel somewhere in the middle of the night and some guy I don’t know gets on the elevator, my stress level goes up and stays there until one of us gets off. If he says something to me other than ‘nice weather we’re having’ I get much more stressed. That’s true to some degree for all women.”

Here’s the thing. A woman normally possesses a certain sense of caution related specifically to things that mainly happen to women, which does cause stress. A man should respect that and act accordingly, by doing certain things and not doing certain things. Every single person I’ve spoken to about Rebeccapocalypse has had a view of this roughly in the same range: Rebecca displayed normative behavior in being put off by Elevator Guy and it was up to her to decide to speak about it, and generally a good thing to do so. People do disagree on the modus operendus of speaking out, but not dramatically. Everyone understands that a woman should have a certain sense of caution … as should a man but in different ways, for different things, to different degrees … and that a man should respect this and act accordingly. By doing certain things and not doing certain things.

But then there are these people, mostly guys, and also Richard Dawkins, shockingly, who don’t get it at all. I’m thinking that the fame factor has caused Dawkins to live a life in which certain conversations have been avoided, and he is just socially retarded because of this, though in most ways he is a fine example of an English Gentleman. Or maybe being socially retarded and being an English Gentleman are the same thing in certain areas. Oh, right, this might apply to privilege, might-en it? And privilege might be what makes men tend to be stupid about certain things. Get out of my way, Bitch, I’m walking down the street and I don’t care that trammeling past you is going to freak you out. Your problem. What are you doing out in the middle of the night by yourself anyway? Oh, if I was asked over for coffee at 4AM in the morning in Ireland on an elevators, I’d see it as a complement! Yes, yes, I suspect Richard Dawkins has been asked over for coffee and servicing at the wee hours of the morning many times, because he’s a star and that is what happens. So from his point of view, I suppose he was giving Rebecca the highest complement when he figured that she had no brief: “Rebecca, you are one of us stars! You have a groupie! Good show, Old Girl!

_________________________

So, here's your plan for the next time you take the elevator:

Know where you’re going and double-check with the directory if you haven’t been there before.
Stand a bit back from the doors while you are waiting. This allows you to keep an eye on whoever else wants to use the elevator.
If you get the slightest "ick" feeling from anyone that might be riding up with you, stay out of that car. Fake a phone call or “forget” something you needed to do somewhere else if it makes you feel more comfortable. Take the next elevator up or down.
Stand by the control panel in the elevator. Get off at a floor that is not your destination if you are not comfortable. Take the next elevator up or down.

http://www.defythebadguy.com/elevator-safety
____________________________________________

Always take the elevator instead of the stairs.
Do not get on an elevator if there is only one man in it (of course, not all men are bad, but don't take chances. Wait for the next elevator.)
Do not stand back in the corners of the elevator, be near the front, by the doors, ready to get off or on.
If you get on the elevator on the 25th floor, and someone you feel uneasy about gets on at the 22nd, get off when they get on.

http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/offline.shtml

_______________________________________


you are right warren, it is just so beyond the pale for any man to understand how or why a woman may be uncomfortable with a man in an elevator. it is not like there has not been enough situations to warn us this may be an issue in our life. not your life, granted. god forbid that you actually have to consider what a woman may feel. being in an elevator in the early mornings, with little to protect us should not leave a woman uncomfortable. because you tell us so. forget reality, but warren doesnt see it as an issue. and after all, you have had to experience your own uncomfortable with hungry people when you do not have money to give them.

i guess you do not think it is necessary to even "try" to understand what a woman may feel, when possible violence equates to you not having money to give to someone hungry.

we have been taught all our lives that an elevator, especially late at night, can be a dangerous place for us. so do your dismissive shrug and jokes and have a good time, and if this ever happens where you are in a postition to make a woman feel safe, or uncomfortable, you will at least have been informed.