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Squinch

(56,484 posts)
7. Inkfreak, I think you made the right decision.
Fri Jan 31, 2014, 09:58 PM
Jan 2014

I spent many, many years trying to make a relationship with a mother who was not interested in being a parent to me. It was a painful mistake and a waste of energy. Your father has told you clearly with his actions what he wants to offer you in terms of a relationship, which is nothing. So give it to him.

As you say, your father has given you a gift: if you have a child he will be loved in a way you wouldn't appreciate if your relationship with your father had been better. As you say, your wife is helping steer you away from your isolation. If you had not been rejected by your father, you may not have known to choose someone who is as sensitive and caring as your wife sounds to be. I am betting there are many other characteristics and wisdoms that you developed because of his absence that contribute positively to your life today.

This has been the pleasant shock of my middle age: how my horrible relationship with one of my parents is directly responsible for the best decisions and happiest parts of my life. I hope you find the same outcome. And I think you are right not to waste your time trying to have a relationship with someone who has chosen not to have a relationship with you.

Best of luck.

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