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ElboRuum

(4,717 posts)
19. I have been fortunate in this regard...
Sat Dec 7, 2013, 09:34 PM
Dec 2013

The women in my age bracket seem to feel that it is fine for them to be the initiator. I'd say that half of the relationships I've been in have been initiated by me, and half by the other. Moreover, the relationship itself, once initiated, regardless of whom initiated, have tended to be balanced and more or less equitable in terms of what was to happen within them.

I've never been a fan of the characterization of initiation of conversation as a prelude to a potential relationship as "aggression". Someone must step forward and be first, risking the rejection or being termed "creepy" or "pushy", else no relationship could exist. If we are to use the term aggressive when describing the courting process from the standpoint of the one who initiates, and if there are calls form men to be "less aggressive", then where are the scads of women jumping on the opportunity to fill the void that will ostensibly be created? The silence is deafening. This is why your are correct in that it is still a man's issue (although, by this time it should be less so than before). And I don't blame women one bit for not clamoring to step into that role. It's a sucky role to be in.

The fact of the matter is that the initiator bears all of the social and emotional risk. Most people, given a choice to receive/rebuff an advance or to make the advance would choose the former, because it has two advantages.

1. You know immediately that the person likes you.
2. You have the right of acceptance or refusal, therefore the power in the exchange is yours, allowing you to suit yourself without assuming any emotional risk from an unfavorable outcome.

Having experienced both, I can honestly say that I prefer to be approached.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

I would think it would be exhausting. Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #1
Yeah, hope you gents had a good time! Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #2
We did. Let's say the whole time was....interesting. Behind the Aegis Dec 2013 #4
Awesome. Looking forward to hearing the rundown when you're rested up. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #5
I'm just astounded more people aren't familiar with the Battleship Potemkin reference. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #3
Marriage solved the problem? Bonobo Dec 2013 #6
Happily married. Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #9
Men who don't initiate are those dreaded "nice guys", ya know nt. ProudToBeBlueInRhody Dec 2013 #7
thats why the bastards are much preferred. also a lot of the nice guys and gals are not really loli phabay Dec 2013 #11
It would be a problem for me but I'm fortunate to have married a woman who prefers to initiate. lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #8
lol, i can see it now, jeff get your head in the spin dryer, yes there is a dead badger in there loli phabay Dec 2013 #12
This is quite possibly Warren DeMontague Dec 2013 #13
yeah i read it on a forum by a guy whose wife actually did it before ahem doing something else loli phabay Dec 2013 #14
ROFL! lumberjack_jeff Dec 2013 #16
then you need to introduce her to some dominatrix porn, you never know it might change your life loli phabay Dec 2013 #17
shhh In_The_Wind Dec 2013 #18
As the 60s turned into the 70s, dating rituals broke down. Eleanors38 Dec 2013 #10
well it all depends on the male and female, contrary to some beliefs there are still women.who enjoy loli phabay Dec 2013 #15
I have been fortunate in this regard... ElboRuum Dec 2013 #19
Where do you live that is socially stuck in a Grade 6 dance in 1960? Sen. Walter Sobchak Dec 2013 #20
To answer your question, bonobo lives in Japan... opiate69 Dec 2013 #22
I've never been the initiator all the time. MineralMan Dec 2013 #21
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