Obama Makes It Through Another Day Of Resisting Urge To Launch All U.S. Nuclear Weapons At Once [View all]

President Often Feels Button Put There 'Just To Taunt' Him. The president says the button is "constantly" in the corner of his eye.

ISSUE 47•19 • May 11, 2011

WASHINGTON - Despite being constantly tempted by the seductive power of having an apocalyptic arsenal at his fingertips, President Barack Obama somehow made it through another day Tuesday without unlocking the box on his desk that houses "the button" and launching all 5,113 U.S. nuclear warheads...

"Did you know that if you sort of put enough weight on the button with your fingertip, you can feel a little slack there before it actually clicks?" Obama added. "Thank you, and God bless America..."

"But it's hard not to dare myself to do it. It's like I'm standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, taking it all in, and I'm one millisecond away from saying to myself, 'Fuck it, Barack. Just jump...'"

During a deficit-reduction meeting last Monday with House Speaker John Boehner, the president's index finger was reportedly resting on the button the entire time without his even realizing it...

Historians have noted that a strong desire to press the button is not uncommon among U.S. presidents. After just one year in office, Jimmy Carter wrote in his diary, "You don't leave a man alone in a room with a button like that," and two years later the pages were simply covered with the word "button" over and over again. In 1974, Richard Nixon rapidly pressed the button 12 times just prior to his resignation, but Pentagon officials had already disconnected its triggering mechanism...

Read the stunning details and conclusion at:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-makes-it-through-another-day-of-resisting-ur%2C20364/