Barack Obama

Like keeping the world safe from in-laws.

Don't get me started on mine. I've seen some lovely ones, and kids who swear by them, but mine were straight from the bowels of hell. At an age far too young to marry, though typical in its day, I thought I was getting Morris Dees. Turned out to be closer to David Duke. I don't know if I was blind stupid or he changed, but I've never run so fast in my life once my feet got in gear. It was enough to keep me single the rest of my life.

Anyway, whatever our station in life, we all have an important part to play. At my age I can do little but carry a spear, and I use it to lean on for balance more than anything else.