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The Borowitz Report: DOGE Staffer Attempting to Fire Park Ranger is Mauled by Angry Bear [View all]
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/doge-staffer-attempting-to-fire-park
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK (The Borowitz Report)—A staffer from Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) was unable to fire a park ranger on Thursday after being attacked by an angry bear.
The ranger’s failure to respond to Musk’s email demanding a summary of his previous week’s achievements prompted the DOGE member’s in-person visit to Yellowstone, which resulted in his mauling by the 600-pound grizzly.
“The minute the DOGE dude tried to fire me, the bear came out of nowhere and basically tore his face off,” the park ranger said. “It’s nice to know that someone appreciates the job I’m doing.”
According to witnesses, the bear was last seen heading for a nearby Republican town hall.
- short article, no more at link -
The ranger’s failure to respond to Musk’s email demanding a summary of his previous week’s achievements prompted the DOGE member’s in-person visit to Yellowstone, which resulted in his mauling by the 600-pound grizzly.
“The minute the DOGE dude tried to fire me, the bear came out of nowhere and basically tore his face off,” the park ranger said. “It’s nice to know that someone appreciates the job I’m doing.”
According to witnesses, the bear was last seen heading for a nearby Republican town hall.
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