LEXINGTON, KY (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump was reportedly “apoplectic with rage” on Saturday after a tiny crowd showed up for his heavily-publicized “Pro Kings” rally.

An advance team led by Eric Trump had scheduled the event at Lexington, Kentucky’s Kroger Field, a stadium with a 61,000-seat capacity, but later engaged in what was called “an orgy of finger-pointing” after only 17 people turned out.

Taking to Truth Social, the elder Trump called the minuscule Pro Kings crowd a “total disgrace,” adding, “Especially this year, when we’re celebrating the 250th anniversary of the last time we had a King!”