General Discussion

The assassin is thought to have been hired by Intel to prevent Trump from extorting a share of the company; however, the cat is not talking, except to meow for tuna.

There is chaos in the White House as Vice President Vance, aka Beardo or Vladimir Futon, has not yet been sworn in as President. One White House official said Vance was on a romantic vacation with his favorite couch and could not be contacted.

Attorney General Blondie was also unavailable as one insider said she was busy dying her roots.

Secretary of Defense Hegseth and U S Attorney Pirro reportedly have called in sick due to really bad hangovers.

Kristi Noem, Secretary of Homeland Security, was in Brazil getting her luscious lips injected with collagen.

In their absence, Stephen Miller said he was assuming the office off the Presidency, but was quickly killed by his own Secret Service detail for the good of the country.

More news as it comes available. We report, you decide whether or not to believe it.