☦️ This off topic. And I'm sorry. Noone needs to reply.
Evenings and nights are hard. Very hard. Perhaps my tri-partite being assaulted by ongoing 'life' circumstances.My Faith hasn't collapsed, but I'm having a difficult time of staying 'upright'. I 'know' remedies, but have never expected some of what has been dealt, allowed. Here I go, speaking words that my soul doesn't want to agree to.
Please forgive me, you dear hearts here. I called 988 several times recently and they did my heart well. For the time being. I feel like I'm trapped and cannot escape.
Plus one cannot get away from the depressing, continuous daily 'news', national and worldwide. I haven't turned on my TV since March. But you still get affected/bombarded via phone, emails, texts, etc.

Frasier Balzov
(4,504 posts)are in the Classical Music forum?
sprinkleeninow
(21,517 posts)Just emailed a licensed 'counselor' of my Tradition of Faith.
After losses, I didn't care to engage with others in any 'grief group settings'. I was one of the original do-it-yourselfers. Not too wise at times. It is now time for me to correspond with a professional.
WhiteTara
(31,030 posts)
sprinkleeninow
(21,517 posts)I can see how some are brought to the brink of their endurance.
I never have expected a 'cushy' life in my golden years, but a body can withstand only so much buffeting.
There I go again. I know 'Truths'. Noone is exempt from suffering in this fallen existence. But that doesn't always console when one is hurting profoundly.
Grateful for you caring. 💟
WhiteTara
(31,030 posts)I didn't mean to bring you more pain. I'm sorry you are suffering. I'm holding you in my heart.
sprinkleeninow
(21,517 posts)I wasn't all that messed up before. Some, but my losing her really put the kabosh on my functioning.
You are loved by me❣️
(On edit: Forgive me for one sentence I wrote. When I mentioned 'Truths', I was referring to the tenets of Truth of my spiritual belief system. I 'know & understand' these, but they're hard to put into practice.)
WhiteTara
(31,030 posts)Mine died only 4 days ago, and I'm struck with grief at each new "first." The first time I came home, and she wasn't at the gate waiting for me, the first time I got up, and she wasn't there to be let outside. The first time we went out to eat, and I didn't save part of my dinner to give her when we came home. Every day, I say mantras and see her next rebirth to be fortunate with people who love her and never let her down or hurt her. I see her running free through the mountains, barking joyously, just for the joy of barking. I miss her, but I won't let my grief hold her back from her karmic journey.
There is no you and there is no me, only waves on a karmic sea. We are one and your grief touches me, and we hold hands in the mystery of this life.
There is a Buddhist saying, We stand alone between earth and sky and we walk together.
sprinkleeninow
(21,517 posts)This same thing of expecting to see her, things that remind me of her. I opened a kitchen cabinet today that once had her toys in there, now empty, and that wave of heartache came over me.
She slept with me every night for 9 years and passed next to me that morning in March. I have difficulty going to bed.
They are presently in another realm, another dimension where there is no pain, no weeping, no sorrow. A place of verdure and light where they are perfect, happy and carefree. We meditate on this.
WhiteTara
(31,030 posts)that she died in her sleep. lying next to you. She was comforted by your presence and love as she left this world for her next life.
May you find peace. I wish I could comfort you. Just know that my arms are around you and all the angels are nearby, whispering softly in your ear that you will heal.
sprinkleeninow
(21,517 posts)Duncanpup
(15,063 posts)shenmue
(38,559 posts)I am grieved to think you are going through this.
Please, if you haven't already, try to find some discreet therapy.
Peace be with you.