She loved it there (Sherwood Oaks, near Pittsburgh) and they provided the extra help she needed to stay in her own apartment longer than she otherwise would have been able to. When she started to slide into dementia in her 90s, she had someone show up at her apartment every morning to make sure she had what she needed. Eventually she started forgetting to eat and then she moved into memory care. The memory-care unit is where I want to go if I get dementia—wonderful care and she had her own room with her own stuff. I’m in my 70s now and think about it, although I’m still in good shape and have the complication of 12 cats.

My wife and I have started the required downsizing (just getting rid of all the junk so far) and took the tour of four retirement places this summer because we know that is the future. I've been told to do planning now rather than wait for an emergency (probably medical) and end up in a place that don't like. There is a waiting list for the nicer places so we got "on the list" at a couple of places.

They were able to take their old dog, and they keep a car, at least for now. They enjoy the socializing. They have meals in the dining hall, or can cook and eat in their cottage. The place includes cleaning and lawn care. They are glad they moved and adapted very well.

When I looked for options for my friend last summer, at least one of the places offered a trial period to see if the choice was for them, so initially, there was no long term contract to sign. It didn't come to that, so I don't have any details.

I wish you good luck whatever you decide.

In fact, it was developed out of the building where I went to HS.
She loved it there.
She was long widowed, but had a nice little circle of friends.
Similar amenities, plus they had a shuttle that would take people to the nearby casino and, wait for it, local bingo nights.
So, they'd go in groups of 12 or 15.
She had fun there until the kidneys went. Then she had to move to the assisted living wing.
But, she was only there a handful of months before the kidney disease got her.
I think she lived there about 15 years.

why are your kids so invested in the idea?

I am pretty healthy now but one way or another we'll be in need of help eventually. Right?

to whom you could give free rent in exchange for x hours of help to you? Grocery shopping, meal preparation, drive you to doc appointments?

When my oldest boy was a baby, we had a live in college student--a girl--who gave us x hours babysitting in exchange for her free room and meals while she went to summer school. Her en suite room was separate from the rest of the house. Worked out very well for us. We didn't feel like we gave up any privacy.

It might be worth trying something like that--if you find the right student--for awhile so you'd have regular help and still be able to stay in your own home.

I want to have a more simplified life now...

Seems like the nice ones are on the other coast.

That did all you said except gym and nurse. Mostly apartments with dining, shuttle, hair salon, laundry, entertainment like games, chair yoga.

She was there for last 4 yrs of her life in her 90's, she was able to be in regular apartment over 55 for decades before that.

We had to move her to stop her driving and meals, also they cleaned her apartment once a week.

She liked the place, it wasn't as expensive as the ones with doctors.

My mother in law was in one and it was everything I'd need. Lots of amenities, really pretty grounds, cleaning service, shuttles to everything. Food wasn't the best but doable, like yours a choice of 2 meals per day. She was in her 90's so she didn't want to do all the things they offered: exercise classes, crafts, movies, lunch out at restaurants, trips to the grocery store, theme parties - the dang calendar was full of choices! I like the idea of being able to be alone in my space or in the company of others if I choose.

You are smart to think ahead!

in the retirement community. It's amazing!

Once they moved in, they wondered why they waited so long! The meals are great and any they don't use can be used for guests.

behind our back lot. I have known a few people who lived there and some that have worked there. They all have had positive things to say about it. It has two options independent senior living and assisted living. It is managed by the local hospital which also has a nursing home attached to the hospital, so the residents can transition easily based on their needs. A good friend is the assistant to the head chef and he's an excellent cook and baker. So I know they eat well.

I am only 63 but I am thinking that once my dog passes away, which I hope won't be for several more years, I am considering moving there in the future. My sister pointed out that as I age I am won't be able to handle a big dog anymore, and I know she's right. I just won't feel safe without a German Shepherd though, so being in a community like that is something to consider. They do allow small pets though so I'd probably get a cat. I miss having an indoor one, but Dakota's not a fan of cats. I've kept mum to him about the fact that cats were my favorite animal until I was about 14. Now I love dogs equally. 😆

This facility has a nearby Assisted Living adjunct. I guess that's what "continuum of care" means.

I like that it has a beauty salon so I can get my hair done and a barber for hubby. Also, a gym for workouts and I used to do Jazzercise and loved it (but it became a PITA going to and from home to downtown for Jazzercise after retirement). No excuses in this place.

salon, barber shop, and gym. The facility behind me also has local musicians in to do outdoor summer concerts for the residents. When I am out in the back yard, I can listen too.

I hope it all works out for you and your husband.