Borowitz - The Art of War by Donald J. Trump

TBR EXCLUSIVE—The Borowitz Report has obtained the following White House press release:
The White House

April 5, 2026

For Immediate Release

For far too long, the foundational text on military strategy has been Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, which was originally written in the 5th century BC. Any book written by a Chinese general cannot be trusted and should not be used to educate America’s future military leaders. The fact that this treatise is still being taught at American military academies in 2026 is yet another example of woke DEI ideology infiltrating the United States Armed Forces.

Thankfully, President Trump has not read The Art of War (he has far more important things to do than read books), which explains, for example, why he made the bold decision back in February to invade Iran.

After compiling all of the lessons learned from the president’s historic military operation, The White House Press Office is pleased to announce the release of an updated version of The Art of War with insights from the most unique military tactician in human history, Donald J. Trump. It is safe to say, nobody’s brain works quite like President Trump’s.

Moving forward, this new edition will be the exclusive warfare strategy guide used to educate cadets at West Point, The Naval Academy, and the Air Force Academy. Below are some examples of so-called wisdom from Sun Tzu’s original The Art of War that have been replaced with President Trump’s new and unparalleled advice:

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/donald-trumps-the-art-of-war