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The Borowitz Report: Trump Begins Renovation of Kennedy Center by Removing Audience
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-begins-renovation-of-kennedy
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump announced on Monday that he had successfully completed the first phase of the Kennedy Center’s renovation by removing its audience.
Arguing that a building cannot undergo construction while people are still in it, Trump revealed that he had spent the past year ensuring that no one would set foot inside the performing arts center for the foreseeable future.
He achieved that goal with blazing efficiency by putting his name on the building, naming himself chairman, and alienating any performing artist one might conceivably pay to see.
Additionally, audiences have steered clear of the Kennedy Center out of fear that they might be seated next to JD Vance.
In a Truth Social post, Trump boasted, “For the past 54 years, the Kennedy Center has been plagued by audiences. I was able to fix that problem in just twelve months!”
- short article, no more at link -
Arguing that a building cannot undergo construction while people are still in it, Trump revealed that he had spent the past year ensuring that no one would set foot inside the performing arts center for the foreseeable future.
He achieved that goal with blazing efficiency by putting his name on the building, naming himself chairman, and alienating any performing artist one might conceivably pay to see.
Additionally, audiences have steered clear of the Kennedy Center out of fear that they might be seated next to JD Vance.
In a Truth Social post, Trump boasted, “For the past 54 years, the Kennedy Center has been plagued by audiences. I was able to fix that problem in just twelve months!”
I'm not a season ticket holder at the Kennedy Center. But if I had been ... I would have cancelled my tickets immediately when Chump named himself the Chairman of the Board. I'm sure just about everyone else in Washington did the same.
So these seats in the photo - are these the ones that Chump says will be refitted with "marble arm rests"? Oh my God, that's insane.
4 replies
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= new reply since forum marked as read
"Additionally, audiences have steered clear of the Kennedy Center out of fear that they might be seated next to JD Vance." 
People are saying he wants to reconfigure the building into the shape of a very small mushroom. You know, for a more "intimate" feel. 😁
I hope there's a lawsuit coming, but I don't know whether they have the standing.
