The first thing experienced defense lawyers do when they get a new complaint is read it end to end to see if it tells a compelling story. Did my client say something so stupid his transcript is already at FedEx Kinkos, blown up billboard size for opening statements? Is there a hidden narrative lurking that plaintiffs’ own counsel has, miraculously, somehow missed?

But once in a while, you get a complaint so full of bombast, ignorance, and braggadocio you assume the lawyer was drunk when they filed it. Pleadings, after all, can become trial exhibits, and if your client is a self-impressed asshole, you don’t want to advertise that fact to the jury.

When you get that complaint, you share it among peers, because your friends are mostly litigators who love a good laugh.

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Much like Trump’s embarrassing tirade at the UN this week— the one described as ‘deranged’ and ‘incoherent’ by European media— Trump’s defamation complaint pays cringe, fawning tribute to himself. It literally talks about his own “singular brilliance” and describes his 2024 election win as “the greatest personal and political achievement in American history.”

Eighty-five pages of Trump pleasuring himself begins by claiming he won “in historic fashion,” securing a “resounding mandate from the American people.” Unless you watch Fox News exclusively, you know that to be a lie. Trump’s win over Kamala Harris was less than 1.5% of the voting population, one of the smallest presidential victories in US history.

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