Jeff Tiedrich - undead president desperate to change the subject from his dead pedo bestie

finally, after seven days of avoiding the media — leaving us all to wonder if the old fuckwit had been grimly reaped or what — United States President Cankles McRottinghand held a press conference. it was, of course, a shit-show.

Donny kept everyone waiting. the presser, which had been announced for 2pm, didn’t get off the ground until after 2:45. why the holdup, did the eggbeater Donny uses to comb what’s left of his hair get stuck in that piss-frosted mess? because that’s what it looks like.

so, what was Donny so hot to tell us about?

stop the presses, because Dear Leader is moving the Space Command from Colorado to Alabama — and, you’ll be shocked to learn, it’s for the dumbfuckiest reason imaginable.