Spurious News: Pop-up weed dispensaries draw hordes to Trump's "state fair"

WASHINGTON (Spurious News Network) -- Until just a few hours ago, the "Great American State Fair," a massive exposition intended to celebrate America's 250th anniversary, was considered a total failure.

"It's like someone who'd never heard of state fairs decided to run a state fair," said Julie LaFave, director of The Great New York State Fair. "I know the directors of every state fair in America. We all offered to come to DC and set this up for them but Trump refused our help. Said his people had it. They didn't."

That all changed at 4:20 pm today when huge trucks from Higher Ground Cannabis Dispensary, High Demand DC and Blunt DC pulled up on the left side of Constitution Avenue and 23rd Street Northwest and started selling pre-rolled joints to the crowds.

"We can't be on the National Mall because it's illegal to bring weed onto federal property," said Robbie Martin, manager of Higher Ground, "but Constitution Avenue isn't federal property so we're okay here."

Mr. Martin explained the reasoning that led to the location of the sales trailers. "See that building?" while pointing at an elegant structure across the street from the Mall. "That's headquarters for the American Pharmacists Association. Can you think of a better place to park when you're trying to sell fifty tons of weed in one day?"

While DC currently only has medical marijuana, the requirements for getting a card are very lenient. "It's self-certification," said Mr. Martin, "and 'I'm sick of Donald Trump's shit' is an acceptable condition for issuance of a card."

Mr. Martin also explained that growers had invented several new strains just for this event. "We've got all the classics like Acapulco Gold, Maui Wowie, and Matanuska Thunderfuck. We've also got a lot of popular new strains. But what's really popular are the special event strains like Fuck Donald Trump, Trump's in the Epstein Files, Trump Is a Child Molester, Trump's a Felon...we also have Hey Trump Smoke This but it's not selling well, probably because that shit will knock a rhinoceros on its ass and most people don't wanna be that high, but the people who do really like it."

As of press time all three dispensaries have paused their operations until tomorrow morning. "We can't understand how badly we fucked up," said Mr. Martin. "I brought twenty tons of prerolls, High Demand brought twenty and Blunt brought ten. All of us sold out quick. I'm not complaining, but exactly how in hell do you sell twenty tons' worth of joints in 25 minutes?"