BREAKING: Trump to be honored with the prestigious "BELLEND OF THE MILLENIUM" Award

BREAKING NEWS, CNN, LONDON - A group of British investors plan to give President Donald Trump the "BELLEND OF THE MILLENIUM" Award, timed to coincide with the U.S. State Visit of King Charles III and Queen Camilla from April 27 to April 30, 2026.

Harry "Snapper" Organs, head of the coalition of U.K. business men and women who created the Award, told reporters "We're all in total agreement. We realize there are 974 years until the next Millennium, but we are confident that in that time, the global community will not see a bigger BELLEND than Donald J. Trump."

Trump received news of the award during a cabinet meeting at the White House. He jabbed Secretary of State Marco Rubio hard in the ribs and said "Marco! MARCO! HEY! MARCO! They say I'm the biggest BELLEND in 100 years!"

Rubio, gasping for air and clutching his side, whispered "They got that right, SIR."

Trump then turned to the assembled Cabinet members and shouted "BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA never got one of these, DID HE," resulting in a unanimous "NO, MR. PRESIDENT, SIR!"

He then said "I'm a bigger BELLEND than he'll EVER BE, RIGHT, MILLER?"

Stephen Miller replied "Doesn't stand a CHANCE, Mr. President, SIR!"

Barack Obama could not be reached for comment, but his wife Michelle told reporters "This recognition is LONG overdue. We've known this about Donald Trump since he came down the escalator in 2015."

THIS IS A DEVELOPING STORY. More details as I make them up, just as I made up everything you just read.