Spurious News: Trump announces "Long Walk" for green cards!

PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- "Some people say we need illegal aliens in America," said King Donald Trump from the Southern White House, his name for the Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach. "No we don't. But to make the whiny woke liberals happy, we have a plan to let some illegal aliens earn their green cards."

The plan is very simple. "We are going to take one hundred illegal aliens and 500 ICE officers to Maine and place them at the Canadian border on US 2," said King Donald. "The illegal aliens will start walking at four miles per hour. Any of them who stop walking, slow down too much or leave the road will be shot by ICE. The last one left alive will receive his green card."

Stephen King and Lionsgate Pictures immediately filed a lawsuit in US District Court to stop Trump's plan. "I published that book in 1979," said Mr. King. "Trump's plan is taken directly from my novel The Long Walk. We're not talking about any 'inspired by' crap - it's word for word right down to the road the Walk was held on, except that the winner in my novel got a much better prize - anything he wants for the rest of his life." Jon Feltheimer, CEO of Lionsgate Pictures, the movie studio who adapted Mr. King's novel into a profitable motion picture, said, "We're very protective of our intellectual property rights. While Mr. Trump may believe no one has any rights, I assure you that's not the case."

The White House responded thusly: "President Trump created this plan in his great mind. Do you think he reads books?"