MAGA Voter Claims She Loves High Gas Prices (satire)

FRANKLIN, TN—Insisting that she hoped the spike in oil costs was only the beginning of a long upward trend, MAGA voter Kaitlyn Leonardi told reporters Tuesday that she loved high gas prices. “I don’t care if the prices rise—heck, I prefer them that way,” said Leonardi, who crossed her arms in defiance as she lauded gasoline as “a great product” that had been “too cheap for too long.” “If they tell me it’s $4 a gallon, I walk in and pay them $8 a gallon. Shell deserves a little walking-around money. I figure anyone who sells oil knows better than I do what to do with my money. As my grandmother used to say, the higher the gas price, the closer to God.” Leonardi went on to state that if anything made her unhappy, it was the fact that the prices weren’t even higher.

Published: March 10, 2026

https://theonion.com/maga-voter-claims-she-loves-high-gas-prices/