Spurious News: Trump orders 1500 Shahed drones from Iran for use in the current war!

PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- King Donald Trump started bombing the sovereign nation of Iran on February 28, 2026, in a claimed attempt to destroy a nuclear weapons program he'd claimed to have destroyed at least twice before.

In the week since then, he has managed to use up every heavy weapon in the US inventory.

"It's the strangest thing," said Colonel Jim Everson, chief of munitions supply for the U.S. Air Force's Air Combat Command. "On February 27, you could...well, I could...walk through our munition storage facilities and see many kinds of weapons ready to defend America. We had bombs. We had missiles and rockets. We had very large cartridges like the ones the A-10 fires. Today? President Trump has even dropped the dust in the corners of the room on Iran."

Resupplying these weapons will be no mean feat. "The days of World War II-vintage munitions, which were basically a metal container filled with high explosives, are over," said Col. Everson. "Most modern munitions are computerized and they take a long time to build. For instance, consider the Tomahawk Land Attack Missile. It takes about two years to get one from the day you order it. An iron bomb can be made relatively quickly, but the mechanism that makes it explode cannot be. The Europeans say this is an unjustified war, so they won't supply us any of their weapons."

The Trump Administration believes it has a solution to the immediate problem.

"We have made a major purchase of weapons," said Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth in a news conference. "President Trump has ordered 1500 Shahed drones from Iran Aircraft Manufacturing Industries Corporation. The Shahed is a very fine weapon and will help us win this war."

The worldwide national security press is astounded by this action. Said Maria Francis, an arms proliferation expert at Janes Information Group, the world leaders in open-source intelligence, "I've been studying arms sales and arms trafficking for thirty-five years, and I can safely say this is the first time I can remember that someone tried to buy weapons from the enemy. The Shahed is a good weapon, essentially a very small cruise missile...but does that moron really believe the Iranians are going to sell him weapons to use against themselves?"

Iranian General Hojjatulah Qureshi, Chairman of the state-owned manufacturer of the Shahed, put his head in his hands when he heard the news. "Allah help me," said General Qureshi, "do those dumbasses really believe buying weapons from your enemy is a good idea?"