Astronaut Hates Long Nightly Spacewalk To ISS Outhouse

LOW EARTH ORBIT—Saying the dreaded nightly ritual had quickly become his least favorite part of his mission, astronaut Dave Barron told reporters Wednesday that he absolutely hated the long, freezing spacewalk required to reach the International Space Station’s outhouse.

“God, it’s such a pain. You have to put on the whole suit, depressurize, and then spend 25 minutes trudging through the dark, near-absolute-zero void just to take a piss,” said Barron, adding that if, God forbid, he forgot to bring toilet paper, he had to spacewalk all the way back to the orbital station.

“And once you get to the outhouse, it’s even worse. There’s always human waste floating around and just an old copy of Popular Mechanics to read. They only gave the ISS one john for all seven of us, and the whole place reeks because they only send up maintenance from Earth every few months. You can’t wash your hands in there, either—they just have a Purell dispenser that’s always empty. I’m telling you, if it’s the middle of the night, I’ll just hold it until morning, ’cause there’s no fucking way I’m heading out there to be pelted with micrometeorites if I have to wake up in a few hours.”

Barron went on to complain about the ISS’s outdoor shower, which he described as “way too cold.”

https://theonion.com/astronaut-hates-long-nightly-spacewalk-to-iss-outhouse/