WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A string of correctly spelled texts supposedly written by Donald J. Trump during an interview with CNN has fueled fresh speculation that he has died, experts confirmed on Monday.

According to Davis Logsdon, the nation’s foremost authenticator of Trump’s digital communication, “The texts, notable not only for their correct spelling but for their proper grammar, were the work of someone with at least a seventh-grade education.”

“It’s impossible to identify the author of these texts, but it was someone capable of putting words together to form complete sentences,” he added. “That rules out most of his Cabinet.”

In the most troubling sign, Logsdon said, one of the texts asked if the Nobel Peace Prize could be awarded posthumously—and featured a correct spelling of the word “posthumously.”