We don't think them through, we just do it.
And kick ourselves later sometimes.

You did 👍

You gave with no expectations of what she would do or what she would use the money for. That is the best thing you can do in life. It made you feel good and it helped her in ways you will never know! That's it. That's all it has to be. Drop the guilt. Smile and enjoy!

And I've been admonished and criticized for it.

Listen...you have nothing to feel guilty about.

You did a good thing. You should be proud instead of feeling guilty.

Your son and step-son will never suffer by the fact that you gave someone $100.

You're not taking food out of their mouths because you were kind and generous to someone in need.

Think things through and be you, not be one of the inner voices.

Inner voices can arise from many things, usually unresolved inner conflicts or echoes of past authority figures (parents, teachers). You are not a "crazy person" but "crazy persons" often speak of inner voices. Don't listen to inner voices as commands. Listen to them as clues for what to think about, not how to thing about something.

I think the names can be misleading and the roles are more real.

We all have inner dialogues. We need to examine ourselves and find things to improve and things to support. The key is not only balance, but recognition of usefulness. No internal dialogue partner is completely good or completely bad, but some are less helpful than others.

The inner critic (or other name) does have usefulness in identifying what to pay attention to and to improve on. But it is often also harmful by sabotage and jacking up negativity. Ditch the negativity ( "oh you again" ) and try to figure out what to sort out usefully and what to deal with usefully, if anything this time. Defeatist, nihilistic, sabotaging cuts from the inner critic shouldn't be ignored because they return repeatedly if that is tried. They need to be dealt with in proper times and places, but lightly by acknowledging their existence, considering whether any new insight or realizations are at hand, and quickly moving on if there are none in the offing so that ground that has been plowed before is not plowed for the 20th time this week or year.

The inner voice (better self, higher power, if you like) is useful to be supportive. It too can do harm by being deceptive and giving false hope and complacency. Much of the affirmations industry may be well-intentioned but ends up being candy floss, kitten's hair and dandelion seeds: lovely to look at but an insubstantial waste of time. Mental pats on the back and a little glow from doing good and doing good work are supportive and very useful when kept in perspective. Satisfaction at an accomplishment does not have to be a negative thing or a guilty pleasure but it too needs balance.

Fundamentally, be nice to yourself but neither blind or rose-coloured. Mild affirmation and optimism are healthy and very powerful. Cultivate them.

We are taught to not trust ourselves. (Of course I'm assuming you are a woman because you "grabbed your bag".)
You said that you didn't want praise, but sorry, you did a good thing. That was a very good monster decision, in my view.

do this to ourselves?

or disease processes or political polarization.

The mind is just a system. A very special system and a precious system, but a system. Because mind is more like software than hardware it is abstract and slippery.

So the severity and frequency that "we do this to ourselves" is imperfection in the system. It happens, and often when it is partially buried it keeps coming back. We have to accept that stuff happens, and some of the stuff is thinking about things negatively or harmfully to some degree more or less.

When stuff happens, we deal with it and get back on track. That happens best without self-flagellation, excessive self-blame, repeated rut tracing, etc.

Practice it. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it does make better.

This was built into the system from witch burning times forward. Which kind of correlates with the establishment of the Catholic Church. Maybe that's just a coincidence. 😏 But I also agree that our brains are basically machines and are capable of lying to us.

And it's a habit which can be hard to break, and the longer it's been around, the harder. But it can be done.

Smile

You should not feel guilty.

Maybe that person was ready to keel over without it, or buy some spoiled food instead of good food, and it damn sure ain't coming from the U.S. Government.

My motto (based on experience)

You did the human and humane thing. Don't over-think it.

Good on you!

That's all we can do. Try to make the difference now - the future will be dealt with tomorrow

A society in which so many people operate transactionally. I too have had those experiences. I bet many of us have. And now we have a president who calls service members suckers and losers, who believes only in quid pro quos. Hearing those thoughts expressed daily will leave an impression, maybe a wound.

Random acts of kindness - as we have heard them called - require no justification. Yes, your loved ones may need help in the future. If that time comes, you will do what you can. But someone needed help today and you showed up. That is Human. And if you will pardon the religious allusion, IMO it is Divine.

Sleep well.

Your good deed will come back ten fold. ❤️

Is a good thing! People who sneer that altruism is selfish because it makes you feel good would never do anything good.

You did good. You made someone alone know that someone cares about her.

And please know I'm not accusing, only asking you to ask yourself.

How often do we make assumptions about "those people"? How often is their physical appearance used to them cement our worst assumptions? And finally, how often have you ever seriously considered giving any panhandler a $100 bill because that's all you had without worrying that you were supporting their "habit"?

Please 1monster, please know these are NOT accusations.
Many DUers have been helping me as my slog through the SSDI application process and yet, there were many and still are who will not trust a GoFundMe listing because they believe there's a scam.

Please rest assured that young lady will never, ever forget today. She won't forget not because of the size of the bill, she won't forget because she knows all you had to look past before you found her.
I cry as I write this because there have been several people here on DU, who to this day I have never met, who didn't just donate to my GoFundMe, but befriended me.
That kindness is the real treasure you gave her today, and that alone is worthy of salutation, not self flogging, regardless of how you got there.

On behalf of so many anonymous recipients of that LOVE, thank you.
Love, John Mckusick

Last edited Mon Sep 29, 2025, 12:52 PM - Edit history (1)

feel negatively toward them. I think, "There but for the grace of god, go I..." and have to admit a bit of fear creeps down my spine. And I pray that neither me nor any of mine are ever in that position, but if we ever are, others will show kindness.

There are only too many that assume the worst instead of seeing the best.
God Bless you

And when THEY get in a position where they are able to help someone who is down on their luck, they have real joy in their generosity. Just think how happy that woman will be, if someday SHE gets to give some poor soul a 100 dollar bill!
You should feel THAT happy!

because it’s the way.
I’m so not wealthy, but helping a hungry person when I just somehow scrambled to get her enough to eat, and someone hasn’t eaten?

Benediciones.

From someone outside of your own head, you are a star.

were very kind to someone in need for self-aggrandisement reasons. It was love of mankind pure and simple. I don't give to people on the street, as I am afraid of someone overdosing, but I give to groups that help the homeless or are in need. Again just trying to count my lucky stars and share those lucky stars with other human beings. A connection. Stay away from MAGA people spewing their crowd tested falsehoods so your inner voice doesn't repeat that bs. If they had it their way people would be exploited down to their last breath (and beyond if you look at their health care plans). And helping anyone is a competitive value system that makes it harder for them to take all the money from the middle and working class and hold endless power. They are mentally ill. You are not.

Don't worry about it and don't second guess it and especially don't fault yourself in any way. You absolutely did the right thing. Smile and enjoy the day!

"I got it and it aint workin and you need it, so here"

I never questioned the purpose. Alcohol is medicinal for alcoholics who can't or don't want to quit, they can die without it. Drug withdrawal is nasty, I've seen enough of that to last ten lifetimes.

So I don't care how they need it, although I might think a bit less of a rich suburban matron dressed like a bag lady who wants another designer handbag and her hubby is being mean.

Mostly, I just take people at their word and they don't pwe me a life story. I just fork it over if I got it and it aint workin.

That was a wonderful thing to do for that person.
Stop being mean to yourself about it. You deserve to feel good. You helped someone who needed help. Personally I think you did great!

“1monster” doesn’t do you justice! Who ever you are, you seem like an Angel to me 🌺

I can't remember the details, but it was a family with a very sick little girl who referred to the family as a daddy monster, a mommy monster, and a child monster. Not mean monsters, just a family unit...

To feel that someone cares can make a difference in how she views herself and the world. Many of us are stretched but you gave joy and you have made my day.

it gave you joy, and you wanted to share that feeling.

huggggggs

You deserve to feel worthy and good about yourself without shame or fear.

Last edited Sun Sep 28, 2025, 09:54 PM - Edit history (1)

Ignore the voice in your head. It wasn't the voice of your kindness.

It was probably parental. 😀

Many extraordinary things happened to make this course of events to take place as it did. It was meant to be, no need to overthink it.

Thank you. Maybe the lady you helped will one day forward your kindness with one of her own.

I keep little bags in my car. Ones for women with socks, gloves, pads, deodorant, toothbrush and tooth paste. Same for men, sans pads.

It's all I can give, but if we all help each other in some small way, we can make big impacts on those who need it.

Those "small" ways of yours are bigger than you think.

If you hadn't done it you would be questioning yourself as to why you didn't. Just be happy knowing that she is going to be able to eat well for a few days because of your kindness.

At the end of life, you wouldn't remember how you'd spent that money (clothes, food, entertainment, etc.).

Now you will ... and it will mean a lot more to you

"Ten years from now you probably won't remember it, but that person sure will."

I tend to be the kind of person who remembers even the smallest of incidents that lifted me out of a really bad time. I'm in my 70's now and still remember so many of the kindnesses done for me in my lifetime.

. . . are one major illness or accident away from standing in the median strip holding up a sign.

I carry a stack of $20 in a pocket where I can grab one. Give away 3-4 a week.

You will never know for sure how far the beautiful echoes resound, but you struck a lovely chord.

But we must be careful to be concious that many like that are in the throws of substance abuse.

all good deeds accumulate points and then when you need something the most, you can make a withdrawal.

i have experience this fact first hand.

Blessings to you and know it is the small things that we humans do for each other that matter most.

because it makes us feel good. Good for us… let’s all be selfish at least once a day!

The rainbow probably nudged you too. And you're generous of spirit.

…I stopped at a stoplight and saw a homeless woman with a sign.

Occasionally I would give a dollar or so to such a person.

But something about that day, where I was lucky enough to be purchasing my first home and it was possible this woman had no home at all…it made me feel a little different.

So I gave her a $20 bill instead. Didn’t expect much of a reaction but I do remember her feeling overjoyed and grateful…all for a $20 bill.

I get it. Sometimes you wonder if you’re doing it for them or yourself. But if someone is truly needy, I’m sure it’s appreciated.

I found this on the street in front of the house that I had bought/closed on just a week earlier. Took the photo in my car, parked on the street, right after I found it. My good luck was probably the bad luck for a workman who lost it out of a pocket.



I planned to move in January 6th, but the next time I came over before then, I discovered someone had broken into the house, folded the area rug I'd bought for my dining area, and partied on it in front of the gas fireplace. The kitchen counters were sticky and some new towels I'd put in the bathrooms had been stolen.

Within a matter of days, the universe had presented me with examples of both good and bad luck. It really made me think about the presence of good fortune in my life compared to the instances in my life when I've had bad--and sometimes heart breakingly bad--luck.

I am fortunate to have the means to be able to share my good fortune. I've made donations to all sorts of charitable organizations for the last 50 years of my adult life. I've put dollar bills in the hats of street artists. But up until I found that $100 bill, I'd never handed any cash to someone clearly in need, with a sign on the street at a stoplight. So, I started carrying a $5 or $10 or $20 in the center console of my car. And when the circumstances happen that I'm in the lane--stopped-- next to someone with a sign asking for donations, I roll my window down and hand that person $5 or $10 or $20. I've given away more than that $100 I found in the last several years, and I've enjoyed every moment of those very brief interactions. Maybe I'm a fool, but I don't care what others think. Every time I handed money to any of those individuals, it was done in a spirit of trust, with affection, and every single person who accepted what I offered seemed appreciative. Every interaction felt worth it to me, and I will continue to do it, from time to time, as the opportunity arises.

I hope you will continue to share your good fortune with others as the opportunity arises and the circumstances feel right to you, too.

they are always screwing up, cannot/should not trust their own judgment, their feelings don't count, etc., etc., etc., ad infinitem.

Really, they can.

You’ve been socially conditioned to care about everyone else except yourself, and that’s why the voice that said you just wanted to feel good about yourself hurt the worst. Not only is it not true, but think about it - so the fuck what if it was? THAT’S OKAY. You have permission to feel good about doing something good. Try saying it out loud. “I have permission to feel good about doing something good. I have permission to feel good about myself."

Do you have a HULU or cable subscription? Full coverage on your vehicle? Ever buy organic produce? Costco or Amazon membership? Any extras on your cell plan? None of these are strictly necessary. There’s always ways we could spend less or save money on services and stuff. Maybe people are still more important. Tell the voices to sit down and STFU. You got this.

If Elon Musk gave the woman $100 (yeah, right!!!) it wouldn't be much. But when someone (like most of us) gives something that they really COULD use themselves, that's when it's truly a "gift".

I think you are sensing the uncertainty of things right now and worried that your family may need it. But I think that's because the world is in such upheaval right now. I think the universe is going to send good karma to you, and I think you should be happy about what you did - and just let the rest fall into place.

You are a good person. Full stop.

And karma exists. If at some point you do need that hundred dollars, it will come back to you.

Oh not always but I have found people with the least tend to step up first. Decent people the world over in all of history understand the only way we survive is by sharing what little we have. If the rich only leave us 1 cookie, let's split it so we have the energy to fight together for more cookies.

If you have future need because you shared now, I hope someone steps up for you.

You do something nice or kind for someone that you don't even know, and it makes that person more likely to do something nice for someone else, and then that person does the same. It just keeps going. The world becomes a little bit better place though kindness.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pay_it_forward

I really liked the movie by that name too.

So, 1monster, paying it forward is a good thing, that you did. No regrets, and it doesn't have to be about money. Keep at it.