Spurious News: Elon Musk fires the entire government at once!

BOCA CHICA, TX (Spurious News Network) -- After seizing control of the government by spending a quarter-billion dollars to buy the 2024 presidential election, Tesla CEO Elon Musk began to fire government employees in a haphazard, ill-advised manner. Many Americans believed he was "going too far."

It turns out he wasn't going far enough for him.

On the 100th day of President-for-Life Donald Trump's unusual administration, Musk transmitted a message to all government employees via his "X" social media service: "You're all fucking fired. Responsible Tesla employees can run the country better than you worthless fucks can, and now they're going to. Pack your shit and leave your keys on your desks."

The blanket firing of every government employee isn't restricted to just hired workers. He fired elected officials too. "Just because you worthless bastards in all these fancy offices think you have the right to be there just because you were elected...you don't. Get the fuck out right now."

When asked if this termination extended to the presidency, a Tesla spokesman said, "of course it does. That fat fuck has no right to be there when Premier Musk is more than ready to take over."

All members of the military were also fired. "Those assholes haven't been in a war since 2021. Why the hell would we keep them around?"

The US Border Patrol was also fired, but it won't matter much as no one wants to cross the border with Mr. Musk in charge. As a Mexican gentleman who was trying to find a safe place to cross immediately before the announcement Mr. Musk had fired the whole government was made, and who immediately turned around and starting running south put it when we caught up to him, "that pendejo is fucking nuts, man; no way I'm going in there."

The firings may be reversed shortly: an hour after Mr. Musk made the announcement, the commander of III Corps at Fort Cavazos, TX, called him on the telephone with this message: "I have a brigade of field artillery and a road map to Boca Chica from the motor pools where I keep it. Knock this shit off right now or you'll face consequences."