Spurious News: Secret Service relocates Mar-a-Lago to DC area!

JOINT BASE MYER-HENDERSON HALL, VA (Spurious News Network) -- President-for-Life Donald Trump departed the United States on Friday to attend the funeral of Pope Francis in Vatican City. When he returns to the United States he's in for a big surprise.

"We were spending too damn much money flying him to Florida every weekend to play golf and sleep at Mar-a-Lago," said a Secret Service spokesperson who demanded anonymity, "so we figured, why not bring Mar-a-Lago to him? A little work on our part and...it's done."

While Trump was out of the country, the Secret Service dug out Mar-a-Lago's foundations, put it on a truck, and took it straight to a prepared landing site south of the National Defense University at Fort Leslie J. McNair, which is in the City of Washington. "We put a half-dozen plastic palm trees along the coastline at Fort McNair," said the spokesperson. "Trump is so stupid he'll never know the difference."

However, the ultra-rich who live in Palm Beach, where Mar-a-Lago was, have noticed - and are overjoyed. "The second we started working to get the house out of there, a very long line of senior citizens carrying shovels, picks and pulaskis gathered at the entrance. They wanted to help! We didn't want to disappoint them so we let them all in. They were fantastic! We thought it would take weeks to get the house on the road, but thanks to these wonderful people we were able to start at 9 am and were strapping the house to the trailer before sunset the same day."

The citizens of Palm Beach expect life to get better now that Trump's gone. "I gotta tell you," said a resident whose family has owned his home for six generations, "Trump in this peaceful enclave we so love was like dropping a coyote into a kitten farm. Now that he's gone, so are all the midnight keg parties with Ted Nugent records playing at full blast."